Adulting like No Other Generation!

College was college. I was carefree, just trying to have fun, exploring life. I took up responsibilities of course but you know what I mean 😛 I always knew that would change. I was excited to finally grow up as well. But it’s easier said than done.

I have had a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences in the last 8-9 months. You’ll see how it turns from complaining to being grateful by the end of my blog. 

College chapter closed. And in the next one month, very close and regular people started leaving for masters while I left for London for a break. I was scared because I had never stayed away from home for so long. I was not going to study or work, just wanted a change of environment and maybe I just wanted to find myself. I cooked, I cleaned, I traveled by myself, I met a lot of new people. It sounds common when you read it but the impact it actually had on me has stayed with me to date. I’d say I was quite stubborn as a child, because I would not compromise at all, be it work or relationships. If I wanted something my way, I would make it happen without caring about how it would affect others. But that’s the thing, you can’t do that if you value connections. 

While spending 2 months in London, I could see myself slowly adjusting to things and respecting different opinions. If I had to reach somewhere, I’d have to figure out tubes on my own or walk it all the way. Either way, nobody was coming to pick me up and drop me wherever and whenever I wanted.

Such a simple way to realize you’re on your own. It grounded me.

I also learned that people over there believe in work life balance. Anyday I’d step out after 6pm, I’d see people in formal wear just chilling by local bars and having fun conversations. I was so happy to see that because I’ve always been vocal about balancing social and school. If I’m sure about anything in life since the very beginning, it’s that I’ll never force myself to work non-stop no matter what career path I get to choose. Always 50-50.
Lot of tiny daily things like these taught me so much about life. Once I flew back, I heard, I quote, “Neha, you’ve become really sweet and understanding!”, from people.

Mission successful!

And the movie starts now. I’m back and boy, has everything changed! Most of my regular faces were out of the city or country, no boring lectures to

bunk, no assignments to write, no weekday parties. What am I supposed to do or think? And with all these life philosophies that hit me in London, I couldn’t even get myself to sit at home :P.

And then one fine day, dad asked me, “So masti done, now what’s the next step?” and I randomly said, “I want to grow professionally, learn how the real world works, but I can’t see myself working for someone else as of now.” And we both knew if I’d work directly under him, I’d get special treatment, unknowingly. Which we didn’t want.

So what to do now? That’s when it clicked for us that I could work at one of his start ups that my brother is handling and plus point – it’s related to my engineering degree. He loved the idea and said you only go get the job, I’m going to stay away from it from the beginning.

I met my brother, and surprisingly he didn’t care much about my knowledge, he said I’ll teach you everything but nope, not that easy. I realized he’s strict and the ‘Josh’ I had was going to cost me a lot ?

3 sentences ↴

“It is not a fancy office vibe. 

You have to start by sitting on the production table on a stool, without back support, and make LED products with your bare hands. 

You have to reach the office by 10am sharp everyday, I won’t let you in even one minute late.” 

Which child won’t freak out after hearing all this? But deep down I knew I needed this to get out of my comfort zone. I promised to follow diligently, in a trembling voice. 

And boom, new month, new me. 2 weeks in and the discipline kicked in the good way but for some reason I shut down. I became so silent. I was scared, bored, excited, tired, anxious, all at once. 8 hours everyday with people I don’t know, doing what I don’t know. I didn’t feel like meeting friends. I would refuse to sit in the living room with my parents. I avoided talking about masters because I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to do in life suddenly. It was strange. Things weren’t going according to plan, which disappointed me. But Mumma said don’t quit, be patient. Sister said give your all for 3-4 months, you’ll gain clarity. Dad was just happy to see that I’m finally scared of someone a.k.a my boss.

Good news. I didn’t quit this time and things got better.

I changed my thought process one day at a time. I said to myself, “If I really want to work, I need to make it interesting for myself”. I started introducing ways to speed up the production process. Gave myself deadlines and when I met them, I’d consider them as little wins. That boosted my confidence. Work front handled. 

Other side of the scale had connections as well. Remember my ‘Balance’ theory? 

I needed to go out. Give time to existing relationships and be open to new ones as well. But I just wasn’t ready. I would make plans and go but I would be silent which is the opposite of how I generally am and few asked if my heart was broken ahaha but no, I just didn’t have any thoughts. My life was all about 10-6 everyday. I knew it was temporary but it obviously worried me. I was losing myself. Now to change this, what’s my mantra? Make life interesting, again!

Slowly and steadily, I started to open up again. I took trips, attended concerts, spent quality time with friends and family, reconnected with my people through video calls, met new people and just tried to be positive through all of it.

In the process, I realized I’m surrounded with beautiful souls who really care about me and just want to see me happy. I felt lucky and grateful. But very guilty because I was not taking equal efforts to be there for them even though I wanted to. I was low key still preoccupied with all the ‘life’ stress. That was selfish of me but I only hoped they’d understand the changes I was going through. 

This had to change. I decided to deal with my career issues and confusions separately during working hours only. I prioritized my relationships. I started taking efforts. Opened up to my parents, which by the way, I feel everybody should try, it really is the best feeling ever.  

And in the process, I actually worked on myself. Which brings me to the theme of my blog….

                                     “What kind of a person do I want to be?” 

One who doesn’t plan every moment in advance. That creates expectations, and eventually you’re disappointed because imagination and reality don’t match, naturally.
Yes, I’m scared of the unknown, I try to avoid uncertainty but what’s the point of living if you won’t let life surprise you?? What if it’s better than you expected? You’ll only know if you allow yourself to experience it the way the universe has panned it for you.

At this very moment, after months of experiencing all these changes, I’ll say with confidence that I still haven’t figured out my career completely and still don’t know how to maintain relationships properly but it’s worth it because I’m trying and everyday is new for me. That’s not called wasting time. 

It’s called –

Unlearning the way you think life should be and learning how YOU want YOUR life to be!