Socialising 101

When I shifted schools after 7th grade we had a freshers party to make us all feel welcome. I got ready to attend this party, not knowing how many people would be there. Now that I reached this party, I looked around and I saw this whole crowd of unfamiliar faces, this cute cake with a welcome to RIS written on it, some great music, beautiful lighting and some more strangers. Having a crowd of unknown/new people in front of me made me realise the importance of socialising, I had so many questions at that time. But what I wanted to do was just sit and observe these people, so that’s what I did- I continued to observe these groups of people, and when a few people approached me, I had a nice chat. Now once I was less hesitant about talking about me, my background it was much easier to open up and socialise. But still I have so many questions.

What do I do when a part of me wants to socialise, but the other part just wants to sit there, not to avoid people just observing or listening to the conversation? What should I say when I meet a new person? How do I react? Is asking slightly personal questions okay? What is it that I shouldn’t say?

I always have these questions when I meet a new person or people. I have been giving it a thought, as I’ve met so many new people these last 30 days, as I visited Pune for a #karo project, I stayed at a Hostel near the Enterprise space. So I met a lot of  new people in the hostel- It was a different experience to meet people from such diverse backgrounds- I met this girl who I shared my room with. She has 3 sets of parents- her actual ones got divorced and married to some other people and she was adopted by this other couple. She’s in college and yet she doesn’t depend on any of them for financial support, she lives in a different city, she started her own digital marketing company and is financially independent. And some other people I met from the Enterprise community, with whom I have had online interactions during sessions or projects, some I have had virtual coffees with, so I was actually meeting so many of them for the first time.

I think a few things that help are of course making small talk, but also following up with questions, like if I’m asking about what the other person does, I may ask about what that person’s ideal day looks like or what is the best part about doing what they do. Now just getting stuck with the questions may make it seem like an interview, and you the interrogator. So talking about yourself is just as important, I think it helps to connect with the other person. Commenting on the surroundings may be a way of starting a conversation. 

One other incident that happened in my phase of socialising was when I had this dinner at a friend’s place, we all were sitting by the garden, having snacks and talking to each other. Everybody else was familiar with each other and I was kind of new to these people, so I was just sitting in the corner on the parapet, I looked across the room and I saw this one dude who was like going around talking to everybody, I wanted to go say ‘Hi’ or I felt like I could easily to talk to this person because this person looked so friendly and approachable and I did walk up to him and had a nice chat. So I think our own and other people’s body language matters a lot, some seem approachable and are able to socialise better and the way we communicate matters too. The key is to open up while minding your body language.

So once I started opening up and talking and approaching more people, I had a really interesting conversation, I approached this group of people in the hostel, once I started talking to them, we found that we all had watched the series ‘The Big Bang Theory’, We started talking about our favourite characters, then this conversation started getting more deeper/interesting when we were asking each other questions like ‘which character has got the least credits?’ I think opening up can help us connect better with the other person and find similar interests. Also to whoever has watched the Big Bang theory, I feel Howard’s mother- Mrs. Wolowitz got the least credits.

Some reflection I had in my process of socialising- apart from the above things, I did one really important thing- what I did was open up, we know nobody is perfect, then why the social anxiety? I think next time we talk to someone we should keep in mind that it’s okay to mispronounce, to forget a word, to be unable to describe what you’re feeling or to make a mistake, I think it helps the other person/people feel more relatable to us- may it be the most extrovert person we all have experienced these things at least once. 

We all have experienced a feeling of not being able to connect, like when you change schools you know you are a part of that class, but your are yet to get to know these people. I had a similar feeling when I met people of the Enterprise community, I think all of us have felt this, we know we are a part of this community but we are yet to socialise and connect with these people. Just like I said earlier when we join a new school, you know you are a part, you belong there but haven’t really connected with people yet, you still have to find your group.

For me in the end it is about the satisfaction of being able to be a part of the community, knowing people, knowing someone has similar interests as me. Now that I have started opening up, which is one of the most important parts of socialising, every time I meet someone new I learn even deeper about this process of socialising, what I should and shouldn’t say. So I am still learning and I just want you to remember a simple hello could lead to a million thing’s.