STARTED…STOPPED…FEELING GUILTY…BUT WHAT NEXT?

May 22, 2021

[dropcaps type=’square’ font_size=’80’ color=’#4a4a4a’ background_color=’#ffffff’ border_color=”]W[/dropcaps]e, humans, are a combination of so many emotions. One of these feelings of love, hate, fear, etc., which is GUILT, led me to destroy myself. BUT WHAT NEXT?

😐 [blockquote text=”The reason was simple: we were feeling like not doing it.” text_color=”” width=”” line_height=”undefined” background_color=”” border_color=”” show_quote_icon=”yes” quote_icon_color=”#4285F4″]

There was a time when I started an event project with my co-partner. We ran the whole race (we conducted and experimented 3 different events in months), but at the finish line we just disappeared and we never crossed it.

😳 [blockquote text=”After-effects of my previous decision of quitting.” text_color=”” width=”” line_height=”undefined” background_color=”” border_color=”” show_quote_icon=”yes” quote_icon_color=”#4285F4″]

In December 2020, I met my mentor, decided to start a new project. I really wanted to start this a long while ago. We set the milestones. I got the raw materials. But I was not able to cure my disease of EXCUSITIS. Which resulted in this one month project, extending to 3 months. And still procrastinating….

I lost my confidence, I lost myself, lost my spark of Doers.
I started making distance from my partners, my mentor. Closed the slack app (which we use for our projects and business) on my phone. Thinking that I would start comparing myself and increase the toxicity in life.

😕 [blockquote text=”The time got so cruel that I started thinking that I am a failure.” text_color=”” width=”” line_height=”undefined” background_color=”” border_color=”” show_quote_icon=”yes” quote_icon_color=”#4285F4″]

It feels funny and dark at the same time.
While talking to my mentor, I felt like I am going into the mouth of depression. At this point I was mucked up. I could remember, I was writing blogs. My first blog was on consistency and here is the contradictory part of my life to my first blog.

😎

[blockquote text=”But I am a stubborn kid.” text_color=”” width=”” line_height=”undefined” background_color=”” border_color=”” show_quote_icon=”yes” quote_icon_color=”#4285F4″]

I wanted myself to be productive every day like I was a few months back.

I thought if I don’t want to do a new project, let’s start learning what interests me.

I continued learning about the stock market because it really grabbed my interest.

Then I started attending the sessions again at ENTERPRISE.

Started filling the application forms, to get selected for new upcoming projects.

💡 [blockquote text=”The time where I started reflecting back on myself.” text_color=”” width=”” line_height=”undefined” background_color=”” border_color=”” show_quote_icon=”yes” quote_icon_color=”#4285F4″]

 I was wasting a lot of energy due to procrastinating,

• wasting time in overthinking,
• building a house of negative thoughts in my mind,
• running away from problems.

It’s not that I didn’t realise it earlier, but this time the fear of procrastination, in the last few months taught me a lot.

“Procrastination leads to death”. I will always remember this in my life. Now, this fear of procrastination led me to be in tune again. This was the phase where I RESTARTED myself from being guilty, running away from problems, procrastinating, having a breakdown to START again.

It was hard to RESTART. But restarting myself gave me so much energy. I converted my negative root causes (Guilt, Procrastination)into, leading myself in the positive direction, of being the DOER again. I really feel proud of myself, after so much struggle in building my emotional strength. 

[highlight color=” background_color=’#949494′]The path that started with problems ended in productivity. This gave me an opportunity to test myself in the tough times and made me stronger. Last but not least, restarting is not an easy thing but it’s also not impossible. Start again and again and again, there will be a time you will have so much energy, that you will cross the barrier as I did.  [/highlight]

Rohan Sarode

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