Adulting – A Fresh Graduate’s Perspective

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“Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane”

                                                                              -Joe King

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I recently went to Panchgani with my junior college friends. We’ve been together for more than 5 years now. At dinner on our very first day, all of us started exchanging our purposes in life. Some were clear, some had it in bits and pieces while some were figuring out. It once again made me realize how different every individual’s thought process and mindset is. Over the past 2 years of being at Enterprise Fellowship, I have had a certain idea of what I want from life but that day, listening to the statements of others sowed seeds of thought within. It has led to some beautiful insights and action points. In February 2020, I attended a workshop called Cafe Lebensaufgabe, where its purpose was to help people find their purpose in life. Throughout this workshop, through intense discussions of me sharing my opinions and listening to others, I could gather insights about myself. These insights over a while have helped me a great deal in getting clarity in what I can do.

But I want to expand my mindset. I want to think big. I want big goals. I want to achieve big things. I don’t want and don’t like to limit myself. I don’t want a “settling attitude.” I want to be challenged. I want to grow. I want to pursue crazy ideas with a lot of grit and passion. I want a big and broad mindset. I want to grow and grow fast. Aim higher and grind to make it happen. After a period of uncertainty about what would I do after engineering, all of it vanished after I got a job. I got into a comfort zone. Now, my job is on the verge of starting and I am again uncertain about what next.

I was fascinated by big mansions in my childhood. I used to imagine how I wanted my house to be. I especially liked the huge, heritage mansions in the UK. They’re spread over large areas and are surrounded by greenery. Since lockdown, my youtube algorithm has showcased me a lot of videos on making model houses. It would be an exact depiction of all the processes that are followed for a normal, real-life house. I used to describe to my Mom how I want my house to be. I want my house to be divided into one main part and surrounded by small parts. I want these parts to be connected only through a waterway and nothing else. I wish to have the entire area surrounded by trees.

I am a graduate now. 1.5 years of my engineering, I did it online. It still hasn’t sunk in that I have graduated. I am adulting. My job is starting in 10 days. It’s a lot to take in. From processing that I’ve finally become an engineer to readying myself for the job. It’s taking a toll. I’m in a dilemma whether I should behave like an adult or just be a child with as much innocence there is.

A lot of people around me are getting engaged. The “getting together” stage of life is literally in the air around me. The flavor of conversations has changed altogether. My sister’s getting married. My friends have gotten engaged. In our family functions, relatives jokingly mention to my mom and dad that I am ready for marriage now. I know I am not, but this environment and adulting are just too much to process. Moreover, it reminds me that I’m getting older. It instills fear. It instills fear of responsibilities. It instills fear of losing innocence. It instills the fear of losing the love and attention we get all the time. It instills the fear of judgment. It instills the fear of moving into a different phase of life. All of the above things are happening simultaneously. In the entire process, I just wish that parts of my childhood remain because I never want to settle. Nothing less than little Jay’s dream and I keep on continuing dreaming big.