Can the Sky Shine Without Its Stars?

I am, and have always been, very possessive about opportunities that come my way. I go out of my way to ensure I don’t miss any and make the most of them. While this might sound inspiring or brave, it often isn’t. At the end of the day, are all these opportunities worth it if I end up feeling nothing?

A few weeks ago, I was invited to speak to a group of scout girls from 14 different countries. The goal was to create a brave space for women and share my journey with them. When I received the email invitation, I was both excited and nervous. This is the kind of person I am, who always feels a lot of emotions all at once. So, entering this unnatural phase of feeling nothing really hit hard.

That week, the talk was happening on Friday, for which I rehearsed the entire week. Then I found out there was a podcast happening on Saturday where I was getting featured! This time, the emotions were more settled, and the intensity had already decreased. I also learned that I was leaving for a long trip the literal next day after the podcast, and that’s when it started. Everything felt “meh.”

In a normal situation, I would be overjoyed about every single one of these events and end up being super nervous, rehearsing the whole time, thinking about what to wear three days prior, and already daydreaming about being in that moment. But it was so different this time. I had almost given up on the idea of emotions and just continued with life. It was a go-with-the-flow kind of moment.

When the time for the talk came, I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I would be. Reflecting on it, it felt like just showing up, standing in front of 30 people, and saying a few lines. The next day, the podcast felt the same. And so did leaving for the trip.

In fact, when I was at the talk, I was thinking about the podcast. During the podcast, I was thinking about my trip. And on the trip, I was thinking about the podcast and the talk!

At the airport….

Instead of feeling alive and invigorated, I felt nothing. The relentless pace and sheer volume of commitments dulled my emotional responses. I was running on autopilot, moving from one commitment to the next without truly savouring or processing any of them.

Why was I not feeling anything? Maybe, instead of being in the moment, I was somewhere else. I was avoiding something. I wanted to distance myself from people. I wanted to avoid them because people and situations made me feel TOO MUCH. So, I succeeded in avoiding them, but now I feel TOO LITTLE.

Avoiding people…

So, now what to do? How do I balance all this? The answer: Be in the moment and savour what you have. I do understand this is easier said than done but simply being in the moment can be so powerful.

This experience made me realize a lot as everything started to settle. Why did this sudden wave of nothing mattered so much? Because maybe I was scared. I was so scared of losing touch with my emotions. I was afraid to be that kind of person who feels little to nothing. I would anyday choose having a high and a low spectrum of emotions rather than flatlining and not feeling anything.

It also taught me that while it’s important to seize opportunities and embrace life’s adventures, it’s equally crucial to give ourselves the space to process and truly experience them. When we overload

our plates, we risk losing touch with our emotions and the joy that these experiences are supposed to bring.

So here’s a question for reflection: Can having too much make you feel like you have Everything, yet feel Nothing?

– Zainab