Embracing Change

Around two months back, I finally wrapped up my CA intermediate exams—quite a relief, I must say. I’ve honestly never felt this relaxed before. In the initial month post-exams, I made it a point to catch up with friends and family, compensating for all the moments I missed during my intense prep phase. A short trip with my buddies added to the fun; those were some genuinely relaxed times. 

And then came July, bringing along my exam results, which were thankfully positive. Now, you’d expect me to be ecstatic, jumping around with joy. But it’s odd; it felt more like checking off another milestone on a list, just another step on the journey. Not that I wasn’t happy or didn’t celebrate—I did, albeit with a simple family dinner. 

Since the results came out,there’s been a shift within me. I’m working on a project at Enterprise. Additionally, I’m also learning under my Dad. But here’s the twist: these days, I find myself drawn to staying indoors. It’s a peculiar sensation. I used to be the guy who relished hanging out with friends, going on family outings, and basically staying away from home. Now, something’s changed. And the odd part is that I’m not resisting it. In fact, I’m enjoying it.

I’ve embraced solitude and begun valuing my personal space. I’ve developed a newfound appreciation for my reading hours, and I’ve even dusted off my writing habit, which had taken a backseat. It’s as if I’m getting more comfortable with my own presence than someone else’s. Is this what they call “adulting”? Is this what happens as you grow up—prioritizing your own company over the hustle and bustle? Don’t get me wrong, I still hang out with friends and enjoy their company, but there’s this rapid transformation taking place within me, and it’s a bit unnerving.

The pace at which I’m changing is almost frightening at times. The “what if” scenarios can be truly unsettling. I catch myself wondering, Will I end up drifting away from those I hold dear? It’s a natural worry, an echo of my concern for the bonds I’ve cherished. Yet, these “what if” questions are also a reminder of the value I place on these connections. They compel me to seek harmony between my personal journey and the relationships I treasure.

It’s strange, this phase of change and self-discovery that I find myself in. I’m learning to cherish my solitude while still valuing the connections that have always been a part of my life. It’s not about cutting ties or becoming a recluse; it’s about evolving and finding a balance that aligns with who I’m becoming.

Sometimes, though, a hint of guilt creeps in. I wonder whether my newfound desire for solitude and introspection means I’m neglecting my friends or letting them down. Am I a bad person for wanting to stay in rather than go out? These thoughts play on my mind like a gentle rain tapping on the windowpane. Yet I’m coming to understand that this shift is not about rejecting people who matter to me; it’s about nurturing a deeper connection with myself, which in turn enhances the quality of my relationships.

As I navigate this period of transformation, I’m holding onto the idea that those who truly matter will understand and embrace the changes that are shaping me. And if the journey leads me to new places and spaces, it’s all part of the intricate tapestry of life. So, I’ll keep exploring this new chapter, savoring my moments of solitude, and continuing to connect with the people who enrich my life. After all, life’s journey is about both self-discovery and the connections we forge along the way.