Exiting to unlock The new me!

Confidence.. the word we usually hear almost daily from people we admire professionally. We watch you-tube videos on how to get confidence right? Some videos are good also. I was also a person who used to watch several videos on motivation and confidence. It felt like an adrenaline hit, but later I felt that it was not helping my growth because I was too lazy to take action. I used to feel I have done a lot by just thinking and talking about it and making plans in my head only. Let’s head to my life’s little part of the story where I explore this word quality in myself.

“During college days, all I was searching for was some platform that will excite me to grow in some form”. This statement I said, is the clear version of all the thoughts I was going through, before knowing about Enterprise. Enterprise India Fellowship is a program where we break the laws of the education system by directly applying the learnings to real life and real businesses. 

It was all of a sudden change of situation and point of view. When you enter the Enterprise space you are responsible for your end version going through the process of doing projects and if you find something to start your own you can start as a startup. Doesn’t that make it scary and fun at the same time? People and mentors are there to guide you through the journey. At first, I had a Kickstart project, a small project where we planned an event for small kids and their parents. I did not learn a lot. I think this because I was in the fresh mode of just getting to know things and also I had no intention of learning but to just observe the process.

So till now, I talked about how the shift began in life. But still, searching for the Confidence part right?

Let me introduce you to the next chapter that took my old version’s qualities away. It will feel like the last set of push-ups we do, where every push-up feels like it is the last one I can do and our trainer pushes us to do one more. DHAROHAR, our client kind of NGO. The project looked simple, to just work on social media strategically and research and make an automated system for the team, to filter the posts that will get reach on social media and what their audience will react to the most. It was then the project that hit me hard and pushed me to lead the team (new to me) and also the conversation between the team and client. Power-packed 3 months of the project. I will never forget the feeling of getting things done and the attitude I had at that time.

It was every day facing the client with a meeting, so I had to get things done as I was leading the team. It was my senior who started to lead the team at first. But slowly he gave me the command of leading the conversation and meetings. Sometimes I felt I was not capable of it. But I was enjoying being the responsible one. I felt in command. All the 3 months there were ups and downs of satisfactory and unsatisfactory moments with clients and my mentors. I used to get stressed more often. Doing 3 meetings every day and also working in the background and attending college lectures. After 3 months of completing the project with a good result and desired automated system. It was a winning type of feeling. It felt so good and this feeling lasts long in life. I can still feel the moment of that day, of handing over the completed project to clients and them being happy with our results.

Here is the part where I felt confident about myself. But I was not aware here of what works for me that gives me confidence. I did one startup on online events. One of my fellow partners and I started a small startup called “Fever_Of_Treasure” within the enterprise community. This time it was different. I had different types of challenges. The first thing was getting the product ready that I never used as a person in the past, so first I had to understand it. Here I asked my colleagues and took some help from the internet. 

You are more action-oriented when you have someone accountable to complete the task. But when it’s only you who is accountable for your completion of a task, it’s hard to be consistent to get things done sometimes. Because you give excuses (that make valid sense) to yourself. Sometimes I felt like this only. I used to stare at the laptop screen with a blank mind just to get some energy to start work. I have seen myself putting hours just laying down and doing nothing when it was time to work. But when I completed the first event, I got the energy and made another 2 events successful. This quality of learning on my own made it possible for the launch of the product and made it successful.

Here I can see a small link in my earlier chapter. When I complete my work it unlocks my new level of confidence (to be accountable for my work) and also I subconsciously feel that I can do more than the earlier work. “Yup Confidence gained with the discipline of getting things done”. Meditation is what you must do in life to get successful or to be a better version of yourself but I think for me it is simple, to work on things and get them done gives me a feeling of getting better and assurance that I can do more than this, which push me to break my fear of failing because in this journey I have failed too.

I have failed to complete the task I have taken responsibility for many times. Like becoming a fellow at an enterprise. I have failed to be one earlier. This is the 3rd time I am trying. Also, I was working as a site engineer at a construction company at that time. Sometimes in the starting phase, I have failed to deliver the promises and I accept that. Accepting gives me a second chance to my inner self to try to work on it and be on my word next time. 

You would be thinking about how it feels to self-reflect and know what you are capable of. Let me show you how it feels. Fresh in head and life.

The time that I have covered here is not a few months but years. There were downfalls and times when I felt so low in life. Freshly, the phase I am going through is the toughest one of my life, “Depression”. Still pushing myself to get things done, whatever may it be. Small lunch on time to execute and handle the work on site and still learn the business. Here at first, I was in such a demoralized state that I made up my mind. It was the end. I can’t handle this feeling and I can’t do anything in my life. I cried, I cried a lot, I self-harmed myself, and whatnot. 

But slowly I took help from people around me. Watched some youtube videos on depression and life. Bcoz I knew in the back of my mind I still wanted to work it out (this time it was my old self talking to myself that I have done a lot of things that I was not capable of and I won’t give up this time too.) Now I am at a good place in making things work around me. How? By pushing myself to go to the gym not to make a body, but to have a routine, and if I successfully continued this gym routine for 6 months that I have targeted a new level of confidence will get unlocked in me that will make me believe I can overcome this too. How can I be so sure of this right? It’s because I have done this earlier also as stated.

That’s how it works for you when you see a pattern that helps you. Working at getting things done worked for me which started after doing projects, leading a team, and starting my own small company and still does. Giving the best is like trying the best even if you fail. And when you complete it feels like a WIN. It has a long lasting effect on me positively. And even if you fail it will still make you realise to work hard and try again. “Try” that’s how it works for my confidence. Most important thing, Failure also a part of gaining confidence.