Friends – The Catalyst of your life

When you’re young, you are generally a part of either the over-enthusiastic or the very conservative gang. I was hanging in the middle where it wasn’t like I didn’t talk to people but I still believed even after we’ve spoken for quite some time he/she may not be my friend. The reason behind that was that I always felt weird not talking but at the same time, I found it hard to make a friend because I believe every friendship must have some expectations. At that point in time, I really didn’t know what expectations to have. 

I’ve always been conservative but outgoing too if that makes sense. Due to my not knowing what expectations to have I had no choice but to consider the people who I spent time with the most as my friends but I still wasn’t fully convinced in that matter. 

There comes a time when you need change and that came when after my Christmas Party during 5th grade everyone enjoyed a lot and then silently divided themselves into groups as all of them had plans to meet up after the school ends, literally everyone and I stood there standing alone when everyone was in groups.

At that point in time, I decided I need a lot of friends and that I don’t want to be left out again. I don’t want to feel the way I did that day.  Since that day I started making a lot of efforts to make sure I have a lot of friends. I started getting involved in different activities taking place at school with an aim of building good friendships and I was relatively successful in doing that because I made sure I meet almost all of them during our breaks to maintain it. There then came a time when school was about to end and I couldn’t imagine not meeting almost everybody on a regular basis. Like everyone does, we decided to meet often. 

A couple of years till our junior college ended went pretty well, we kept in constant touch by meeting on weekends and meeting up for coffee and even though I had fun I made sure I used my words wisely and did not hurt anyone because that has always been my intention. I believe that the most important for a damaged relationship to heal completely is a lot of time. 

One moment instance came when everything changed. A good friend’s birthday party where I was not invited. In the beginning, I felt that was completely alright and thought maybe he just wanted to do it with his close friends. When I realised that it was a large chunk of his even mutual friends were involved and I wasn’t. That was the time when I started rethinking everything. Am I even his friend? Should I be upset? Should I call him? What if he just forgot to call me? All such thoughts came to my mind and I started rethinking the time spent with every friend. 

I went into a state of helplessness where I was not sure if I even had one friend after that moment. These thoughts just couldn’t leave me. While playing PlayStation, travelling to college, and in my personal time too all I had was those thoughts. Even when my family asked me if everything was alright, me being very conservative always said yes even if there were thousands of things going on in my mind. 

I started doubting my decision whether it was the right mindset that you need to have a lot of friends. Maybe not being invited to plans when we’re not friends is better than being friends and still not being involved in plans. I was very hurt but still maintained a position as if I was completely alright and kept in contact with them. There came a time when I started thinking, while I am thinking about what do I do about my future most of my friends are just busy thinking about where do they party this Saturday night. Do I want to be friends with them? Yes, Do I want to be close friends with them? Definitely not. This was the time when my parents saying echoed in my mind. ‘Choose Good Friends. I decided I want people who think on a similar wavelength as mine to be in my close circle. I’d still want to be friends with the others but just friends. 

Slowly I realised that there are different friends for different purposes. So I decided I will choose my close friends and not try and make everyone my close friend. This thought of mine was helped by my shifting to Pune which makes it easier for me to stay in touch with them and give myself time as to what role each friend has in my life and how I should be cherishing each relationship as I am at that stage where I should be making friendships which last lifelong. 

I personally believe if I hadn’t done that I myself would still be looking forward to Saturday every week and not aiming for the next 5 years and my life would have been completely different if it weren’t for that setback in my personal life as I love spending time with each one of them and at the same time know what purpose does each have in my life. 

I am glad about the decision I made during that time because the thoughts I have today are of starting a business with my friends or family, in the continuous hunt for new ideas. I believe that is and will be one of the most important decisions of my life because that decision gave me a direction to live life on my terms. At the same time  When I look at it today, I feel very glad to have taken that step and that even though I haven’t broken contact with them at the same time I have distanced myself and am in a circle of friends who have a thought process on a similar wavelength as mine.