STRONGER BY EACH HIGH TIDE

Experiences are what make a person stronger, whether good or bad. There will be many that will come your way, you just have to recognize the good in it and think of it as an opportunity for your growth. 

In 2017, my family and I decided to shift from Pune to Delhi. At that moment I was excited since I thought I’ll get to live with my relatives and cousins and have fun together. However, it turned out to be the complete opposite. After a certain point, I realized that it wasn’t all about that. I regretted my decision and couldn’t get used to the sudden change in environment, people, lifestyle, even after 2-3 years. Turns out that the freedom, the kind of lifestyle, the free access to nature, my  personal space, my friends, the kind of positive environment that I had in Pune is much better than the one I am living in.

Eventually, it turned out to be a very bad experience for me. However, during the span of 5 years, I have learnt to be patient, positive and hopeful. I’ve tried to stay calm whenever possible.  After facing all those challenges, I realized each and every one of them actually shaped me as a person and made me stronger. Eventually, I realized you don’t always get what you want, but I will continue to strive whatever it takes for me to be able to do the things that make me happy, and those that I’ve always wanted to do. 

The biggest challenge that I’m facing at the moment would be, not being able to express my thoughts. Last month I was taking a counseling session, where I wanted to share this whole Delhi experience that I was struggling with and because I was so confused whether or not to take any actions about it, considering all aspects of the situation. Before taking the session, I decided to speak out every thought, every confusion that was bugging me. Eventually, it turned out that I had so much going on in my mind, but for some reason I just couldn’t find the words to explain it.

There are many people who do not struggle at speaking about what’s there in their mind. When I talk to these type of people I try to make note of the way they speak. The way they openly share their feelings, their emotions. In my view, it’s a very powerful skill. There have been many incidents where I was asked about myself, but I would always be at a loss of words. At moments like those I felt like I am a complete stranger to myself, unaware of my own interests, likes and dislikes, strong and weak points. Or possibly, it might be somewhere in the back of my head, but I would just be unable to express it in a certain way.

Now, it has become something that I am trying to solve, while learning and experiencing a lot, which, I believe, is making me stronger. Even though it’s something that I haven’t solved completely, I’m proud and glad of the person I’m becoming and I haven’t lost hope at all. Sometimes, I might feel hopeless, and things might get too unfair and difficult for me, however, at the end of the day, I still try to be positive and hopeful. It’s just some moments that make me feel powerless, and I end up making  the wrong decision. 

Experiences are the key to growth. Not only good, but bad ones as well. Everything you do, every step you take, every challenge you face can teach you something. Even if you end up making the wrong decision and it eventually becomes a bad experience, it might be something that teaches you a part of yourself that you too didn’t know existed. And in my view, that’s something very good. At times I become very indecisive and eventually, end up making the wrong decision and regret it later. However, after a point, I realized that the bad experience actually taught me something. And so I learn from my mistakes and try to not repeat them. 

The time when I was the most indecisive was when I had to make the most important decision of my life, my career. I was very confused and as mentioned, totally unaware of myself. I didn’t know what to do. I would seek a lot of advice, but at the end of the day, it was my decision to make. Since this was the most significant decision of my life, I had to be very careful. I always had a liking towards psychology, but never really paid much attention to it and something that I would want to pursue. At that time, I was struggling to manage my own thoughts and be more aware of them. However, after a lot of thought and some counseling, I realized that it wasn’t that bad of an option. Watching a few friends of mine also opting for BA in Psychology, gave me a little boost up to that thought. With proper guidance and self-realization, I was eventually able to come up with a decision. 

One thing I realized really affected me was the fact that my wrong decisions led me to not being able to do the things I love anymore. There’s always an element of personal complicated reasons due to which I even stopped bothering about the things I loved doing. Not having a company at all with people of the same mindset as mine, an environment full of judging, pessimistic and self – centered people were few of those reasons. I was never asked about what brought me joy, nor did I ever get the opportunity to reflect on it.

Being in Delhi, I realized there were many obstacles to do so, while there were none in Pune. However, in one of the enterprise’s self-reflecting sessions, when, for the first time, I was asked to jot down the things I love and those that brought me happiness, I got the opportunity to reflect on the thought. That was the moment I realized, I actually had a long list in mind. So I decided to make a bucket list out of it. I’m hopeful that I’ll at least be able to do some of the activities mentioned on that piece of paper soon. Now, I am trying to build myself and repair my mistakes first so that I’m capable of everything and prove to myself first that I’m responsible as well and a much matured and developed person. I am trying to reflect on the past incidents, and explore more about myself.