To become beyond “ME.”

Certain decisions must be taken to be a better version of yourself. Correct?
You don’t know if it will work out or not, as expected. But it will come with learning if you keep working on it. I have always taken decisions based on which are beyond me. It makes me uncomfortable, but I want it too.

From the start, I was a very pampered kid. I didn’t use to talk much. But I wanted to be an outgoing person. After 12th, I took a drop to explore different aspects of life and find what interests me. I stayed in my hometown until I got certain confidence. I was afraid that I was not ready to be out there. It seemed like an emotional decision to make, but it was rationalised as “will I be able to take care of myself, “will I be wasting money?”, or “will I be able to extract as much as possible?” Due to all these fears. I decided to stay in my hometown.

While in my hometown, I joined a startup to work and learn practically. Choose a career which will help me to push my limits to be out there. I realised I am persistent in putting my time into something. But I was not able to present it. I started getting discouraged by that. What is the meaning if I am not able to convey it? I was looking for the reason, but I could not understand. But I kept doing things and hoping to find the answer..

During my 2nd year of graduation, I was again in the same place. The startup got shut down due to some reason. Now I had to look for something that could still help me grow. But now I was eager to go out of my hometown. But it didn’t happen due to covid. After my graduation, I decided to move to Pune when an opportunity came my way. During that, I was a little hesitant because of some situations at home.  But my father was very supportive that I should go. He was like it would contribute a lot to my growth.

The confidence that he put in me made me confident to be out of my hometown. That I can make things work out for me, this journey will be about figuring out while following my gut. When I came to Pune, it was like freedom was easy to have until I got it. Initially, when I was shifting, I got support from my friends to stay with them for 2 months. My father was relieved that I would be around someone.

After 2 months, while I was searching for a flat, something happened. My family was overwhelmed by how I would live alone and manage things. As my health history is not that good. I have faced issues regarding my stomach every then and now. My father was worried as I did not have food on time. My father said to me to come back to Jodhpur. We will do business here or else you study for CAT here only. I was shattered just by hearing that. What happened abruptly? Is he not happy with this decision? He is the pillar of my strength, and I was never expecting this to happen. We were having this conversation on call and I was very upset. I said I would call you back after 10-15 mins to think about it. At that moment, I controlled my emotion and took time to think. I called back and asked him to give me a year to prove myself. To grow beyond me. I was very assertive in my voice. I was clear about what I wanted.  That confidence in saying I wish to this is beyond what I usually do. Because as a person, I am someone who just does things for others. Just follow what they have to say.

My father wanted to ensure that I am healthy wherever I live. He said that “paisa toh kama leyga par health sahi nhi rhi toh kya hi kareyga uska?”. I felt blessed. This was the moment that I gave him the assurance that I am growing and I will take care of myself. Giving a deadline to myself of a year to achieve certain goals. While keeping in mind what my father wants for me.

For this year, I am going to take care of my health and restart skipping. To have food on time as much as possible. With my health goals, I want to work on 5+ projects and also work on being productive. Be mindful of the people around you and take some time for yourself. This 1 year I want to become more self-aware about myself and go beyond my comfort zones.